


Broken

by hawksea



Series: Broken [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-10 04:44:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1155240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawksea/pseuds/hawksea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex was broken. Can he be fixed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken

When Alex went down after the hit he has assumed it would be just another hockey injury. Maybe take a couple of days to heal his ankle but no great deal really. He played hockey for a living. Accidents were part of the routine. When the doctor gave him the news he knew that this was not the case right about the time his world fell apart.

The days and weeks following his prognosis the only people ALex saw were doctors. He had been phoned by the guys he was closest with, texted by a couple of the others and he knew that someone had dropped bye his apartment but he had kept his door bolted and his phone had ran out of battery before he even tried to return any of the calls. It wasnt that he didnt appreciate the guys checking up on him. More that there was nothing really to say. He was done. Was no longer a hockey player. So no longer a team mate. So he really had nothing to say to them. Thinking otherwise and wondering what could have been would just break his body further and there was only so much pain he was able to face. He always knew he was a coward when it came down to the important things so there was nothing more to do or say.

It took Alex a few months to figure out his life after his injury. He had enlisted his agent to deal with the team side of things so that he kept himself out of having to visit the rink. He just couldnt face dealing with the guys. If anything saying goodbye would have hurt worse than not being able to play hockey. His life was the team. One in particular and that was something he couldnt allow himself to have.

When the doctors had allowed Alex to travel his first destination was to a quiet beach resort he had gone on holiday to when he was a child. He wasnt really a beach person however he needed to get away from anything that would remind him of skating and given a warm and secluded beach was pretty much that he couldnt think of anywhere which suited his needs better.

——————  
"Salut Alex!" Marnie, the store owner, greeted Alex when he went to pick up his morning papers. Alex smiled at the elderly woman who had confided in him recently that she had just began to take French evening classes to give her a hobby and because she wanted him to "feel more at home" in their village.

"Salut Marnie! Ca va?" Alex replied rubbing his beard slightly. Marnie pretty much summed up his feelings towards his home village. She was so kind and loving and reminded him so much of his own mother but she knew absolutely nothing about hockey nor about the stranger who had arrived at the beach one day hobbling about on crutches and had never left.

"Ah tres bien!" she exclaimed cheerfully when he nodded to let her know he understood her. Feeling more confident she added. "Aujourd’hui,tu fais?"

"Aujourd’hui, qu’est-ce que tu fais." Alex corrected her gently paying her for his papers and fresh bread he had added to his basket. "Lire sur le bateau"

"Excellent!" she nodded remembering her greetings from her last class she added. "Au demain!"

"Au demain Marnie!" Alex laughed. He really did love Marnie and she was right that he would indeed see her the next day if not before.

Since Alex had made changes to his life one positive which had came from him having days stretching on with nothing to fill it was he was able to get back into reading. Alex had enjoyed reading throughout his life. From the scared kid who would read about heroes fighting monsters because it would make him feel less homesick and would take his mind off being bullied for not speaking English at school to the older yet still scared man who would pretend he didnt read so noone would see him reading romances where two star crossed lovers would end up together because he had once dreamed it could happen to him if he only believed enough. His novel of choice now was murder mysteries which would allow his mind to focus and use up the energy he used to focus on hockey. His boat was his other constant. Being on the boat out at sea allowed him to really escape from his thoughts and the nightmares he still had which his therapist had tried to help him with. His therapist had been chosen by the club and his agent had pretty much made him attend. Alex supposed it would have gone better had he wanted to share how he was feeling back then but other than desperate and hopeless he didnt really know how he was supposed to feel or act.

Making his way down to the harbour Alex had to avoid some tourists who had arrived in the town making the streets bussier than the quiet ones he had loved. Alex had been stopped a few times in earlier years by people asking if he was the Alex Burrows who used to play for the Canucks but he had pretended ignorance and stated he had no idea who they were talking about. It hadnt happened at all recently and Alex had wondered if it was because his appearance had changed or people had just forgotten about him as he had tried to forget his previous life. He knew that his appearance had changed as he now always had a beard and quite scruffy clothing which would not be spoiled by the oil on his boat. He also had lost a lot of the muscles he used to have when he played sports professionally but his arms had bulked up much more given he used them more often through boating. One of the nightmares he used to have was that he would bump into an ex teammate or worse opponent who would recognise him and ask about where he had been all this time. To date that had not happened yet it didnt stop him waking up screaming the name of the only person who Alex really missed.


	2. Ryan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's downfall

Ryan couldn't get the image of Alex crumpled on the ice out of his mind. What was worse was that Alex had wanted nothing to do with him after his injury. He wanted to fix Alex. Make him the wonderful person he was again but Alex for whatever reason had chosen to run. To leave his life and Ryan behind. The worst part was Ryan had never even had the courage to tell Alex just how important he had always been to him. How the cute and annoying and innocent and snarky person was the first person he thought of in the morning and the last he dreamed of seeing at night. 

Ryan knew that he had to move on. Even if it was the most difficult thing he had ever done. He knew deep down that Alex would not want him to be hurting because although Alex could be a real jerk on the ice it was just a character he played and off ice he was the sweetest and gentlest guy Ryan had ever known. Kevin had been a godsend during this time. He was the only person who Ryan had ever confided in and he had been there to wipe Ryan's tears or buy him beer or just keep him standing when all he wanted to do was fall. 

The rest of the season had been short lived for the team. None of the guys were really able to hold it together after Alex and it was surprising to noone that they went out in the first round of the playoffs. That they made the playoffs at all had came down to mathematics and a case of good luck. When they were through all Ryan wanted to do was clear out his locker and hibernate. So most animals hibergettinated during winter so maybe hibernate was not the right term. Maybe hide under a pile of duvets and pillows and watch tearful films and not speak to anyone was a better expression. Kevin was not for having it though. The day after Ryan had cleared out his locker he awoke to the sound of someone moving around downstairs. Checking his bedside clock he saw it was just after ten in the morning so he figured probably not burglars and he knew his cleaning lady was not due for the rest of the week so trying to be sneaky incase he needed to make a quick get away from whoever wanted to murder him for whatever reason he went downstairs to investigate. 

"Nice of you to join me." Kevin chirped him happily as he handed Ryan a steaming mug of coffee. Ryan stared at Kevin and then the coffee and decided that because Kevin had made it the way he liked it maybe he didnt deserve to die without explaining himself. 

"What you doing here? Dont you have a rookie to check up on or something?" Ryan glared referring to the way Kevin had stepped up his game during the season by trying to ensure the new guys were as good on and off ice as they could have been in the circumstances. 

"I would but I think getting you out of your slumber is more important. Not to mention fun. I do love your morning face." Kevin smiled and laughed as Ryan shot him another murderous look. 

"I'm quite happy to be left alone so if you feel like going to annoy someone else feel free." Ryan offered making Kevin laugh more. 

"Yeah well as much fun as that would be I think i'll stay right here. Right you go and get dressed, pack a bag and we're leaving in an hour. So hurry up!" Kevin directed. 

"What the fuck Kevin. Leaving for where?" Ryan demanded feeling confused rather than annoyed as the coffee was making him more awake. 

"i've booked us a holiday. We're going sailing. So hurry up. Pack light. Bring sunglasses!" Kevin directed again. 

"Sailing? Kevin? What the fuck dude?" Ryan asked beginning to smile at the thought that even though Kevin was probably the most annoying person Ryan had ever known he was also probably the most thoughtful and knew that this was his way to get Ryan out of his flunk. Instead of returning to his family home to spend summer he was trying his best to cheer his friend up. 

"I'll explain in the car," Kevin laughed. "Move or we'll be late."

What Kevin had to explain was he had somehow managed to charter a boat, arranged for Maxine to join them given his season had finished before the playoffs, and organised a sailing trip to lots of little beaches and hidden areas where the three could kick back and relax and focus for the next season. What Kevin side stepped over was the three were missing a key fourth person and that Maxine hadnt chosen to go on holiday with them since he had been traded away from his home. Ryan couldnt deny being incredibly touched by Kevin though never mind the fact that he was impressed by how he had managed to plan everything without Ryan having the first idea. He guessed he had been further in his head than he had really realised and again felt such thankfulness for Kevin knowing just how to cheer Ryan up. 

When Ryan saw Maxine standing beside a sailboat he couldnt deny how utterly happy he felt by seeing his friend again. Other than a few hours when they played each other and shared texts and skype calls he really had missed him. Max was dressed in typical Max style made worse by the fact they were sailing as he had white shorts on, a blue and white stripped top which had so little fabric it may as well not have existed and large sunglasses stuck on the brim of an obnoxiously large sunhat. Ryan laughed as he went to hug him tightly and even just from seeing him again felt a bit more like his old self. Before Alex vanished. Not that he'd ever get that back he knew. He promised himself he wasnt going to dwell on it and spoil their trip though so as he carried his bags onto the boat he forced a smile back on his face he hoped would be there to stay. 

"Beer time?" Max called through from below deck to where Kevin and Ryan were above deck and Ryan was watching Kevin sail. Ryan knew that Kevin loved the water though he always forgot just how proficient a sailor his friend was. It really was relaxing just watching his friend in his element and with his other dear friend handing him a bottle of beer. Max had lasted all of about twenty minutes as they set sail for him to remove his shirt and he was currently standing with a beer in his hand having Kevin put sun lotion over his back. Ryan watched the interaction between the two with a quizzical look on his face thinking Kevin was perhaps spending a little longer than strictly necessary to massage the cream into Max's back and Max perhaps looked a little more pleased about this than he would be as just a friend. 

"You know there's a bed downstairs if you want to use it?" Ryan called over to them with a grin on his face. 

"What?" Kevin asked at the same time as Max pleaded innocence and Ryan couldnt stop himself from laughing aloud and wondering how long it would take for them both to realise they were mad about each other. Kevin and Max's relationship had been one of slow growing friendships into something Ryan suspected could easily be a whole lot more. When Max had first been sent away Kevin had missed him but unlike Ryan he actually had kept in touch with Max. Ryan realised it really shouldnt have been a surprise to see Max had joined them for their trip and he fully intended before they returned that the two would be at least dating if he had anything to do with it. Kevin had been such a good friend to Ryan it was time to return the favour. 

Ryan would never admit it to Kevin but he had been so right about needing this trip. Time away with two of his closest friends to do nothing but sit and read and enjoy the weather and watch his friends ogle each other without actually doing anything about it made Ryan able to begin to piece small pieces of himself back together until two weeks in to the trip and he was actually looking forward to getting back onto the ice again and wondering what his life would bring him now. He still ached for Alex. Especially when he watched Kevin and Max hug. He didnt think he would ever get over it but his beloved Alex would never want him to be miserable so he was determined to live for Alex if not quite himself yet. 

The last port of their trip was a place Max had been talking to Kevin about over skype Ryan had found out. Max couldnt believe his luck with Kevin had told them where they were heading and the smile of sheer joy on Max's face was basically enough to trigger Ryan into action. 

"Look guys, I love you both, and this trip has been amazing and I am feeling much more myself but I swear if you two dont get your acts together i'll throw myself overboard. Max in case you missed it Kevin planned the final destination for your favourite place and Kevin well just kiss him will you before I have to watch any more of this?" Ryan exclaimed and finishing he literally forced Kevin into Max's shocked arms. Hoping on everything Ryan held dear he prayed that they would actually do something about it and finally they did seem to get the point when Max pulled Kevin more comfortable to him and kissed him soundly on his lips. 

Not wanting to break up the couple because god knows it had taken time enough to get them there Ryan went downstairs and made his bed in the single bunk which would allow Kevin and Max the double. He closed his eyes with a real smile on his face and wondered what their final destination had in store for them.


	3. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was broken is now whole

Ryan could easily see why Max spoke so fondly of the village. It was everything Ryan had found to love. Quiet but enough shops to give it a sense of community, peaceful but fun to be had if you wanted it and amazingly cute little houses which Ryan had never really considered himself wanting but now could see himself quite happily spending his eternity here. He supposed most holidays gave that sense of never wanting to leave but there was something special about this place. Kevin and Max were clearly loving it too as they were walking hand in hand with a look of love in their eyes and smiles which Ryan hoped to find again one day. 

The group had arranged to meet up later in the day to grab a bite to eat. Ryan had told the other he was sick of watching them and regretted ever getting them together but they all knew that was a lie and he was as happy for them as they were in love. He really had just wanted to soak in the village and wander about the colourful houses with mismatched windows and shops selling tourist rubbish but also some really nice trinkets and ornaments. Ryan realised he really should buy his parents something to apologise for not making it home so was looking through some paintings when he stopped dead in his tracks. He could have been mistaken but he could have sworn he just heard Alex's laugh. Scared to turn around and not see Alex there but knowing he had to do so quickly in case the person left he bit his lip and turned his eyes to where the noise had came from. Ryan had heard the expression of time standing still but he had never once experienced it but there, in that quaint little shop, was exactly how he felt. He was looking at Alex. His Alex he could only dream but Alex nonetheless. He must have made a noise because suddenly Alex's eyes were fixed on his and his mouth was open in shock. 

"Alex!" Ryan breathed out almost scared as to not want to frighten Alex away from him. "Oh god Alex. Its you. I've missed you so much!"

"Ryan." Alex replied and Ryan could have cried just hearing his name spoken by Alex's French accent. 

Ryan took a step towards him again not wanting to scare him but Alex still looking at him suddenly burst into a beaming smile and ran towards Ryan. Ryan couldnt miss the way Alex was so much less graceful because of the accident but he couldnt have cared less because his Alex was now in his arms allowing Ryan to hug him. 

"God Alex I cant believe this." Ryan grinned feeling tears fall down his cheeks in pure happiness. He allowed himself to kiss the top of Alex's head hoping that Alex would take it as a friendly gesture.

"Me aussi." Alex nodded stumbling French and English which was a sure sign he was nervous. "Ryan I missed you too. So much. I cant tell you."

"You're here now." Ryan beamed until he realised that he was still holding Alex and well maybe this was turning into something more than just old friends greeting each other. He couldnt help adding "I'm not letting you go again. No way."

"Oh Ryan." Alex cried before mumbling something in French Ryan couldnt make out but which sounded fond so was good enough for Ryan.

"Is there somewhere we can go and talk?" Ryan asked trying to keep his voice calm. "Alex I need to speak to you. Just i've really missed you."

"Oui. My house is not far." Alex agreed. "Or un cafe if you do not want?"

"Your house is perfect." Ryan nodded. He didnt want to call it his home because Ryan was still hoping Alex would find his home with himself. 

They walked together side by side to a little cottage not far from the shore and although Ryan struggled not to take Alex's hand he forced himself to realise that it was not about that. At least not yet. As Alex bustled about in his kitchen making them tea - always tea, never coffee for Alex which made Ryan smile again - he looked around the small living room. There were books everywhere. In English and French and Ryan felt his face grinning. Alex would often read when he was together with Ryan but hid it from anyone else in case they teased him for struggling with some words. Ryan had loved the moments where he explained what the words were Alex had trouble with and the way Alex would repeat the phrasing as Ryan showed him. Ryan felt that his face was in danger of splitting if he kept smiling so much but he really just could not believe how lucky he was for Alex to be back in his life again. 

When Alex brough the teapot and two cups into the living room on a delicate tray Ryan took a seat beside him on a comfy couch which had several throws over it. Another oddity about Alex was that he was often cold which had resulted in many shared scarfs and gloves and hugs as an excuse to keep him warm. Ryan realised that Alex was looking sadder than he had in the shop so wanted to start slowly and be gentle with him. Taking a sip of his tea he gently asked "Why did you not let us know you were safe. We love you Alex. We would have wanted to know"

"I didnt want to eh burden you. Ryan you always took care of me but you could not fix this. It would have made you sad. I dont want you to be sad." Alex told him biting his lip and looking down towards the floor. 

"I was sad Alex because you were not with me. But not because of you. I always want to keep you safe." Ryan told him then because he couldnt stand not touching his Alex when he was so close he took his hands and added "Are you happy here?" 

"They're nice to me oui." Alex nodded as Ryan bit his lip to stop him from crying. He hadnt wanted him to be unhappy but he dreamed he'd want to come home with him. "But well maybe."

"Alex tell me." Ryan pleased 

"I really miss you. But I cant ruin you." Alex mumbled. 

"Alex, darling, you'd not ruin me. I want you to come home with me more than anything." Ryan told him simply.

"But i'm not on the team anymore." Alex told him and looked like he was about to cry.

"You're on my team!" Ryan exclaimed and realising it sounded cheesy he added "Ok so that was bad but you're part of the team always. We know you cant play anymore and thats awful Alex. But you're always part of us. Dont ever think you're not. Kevin and Max are here and they'd tell you the same!"

"They're here?" Alex asked sounding worried. 

"They are. We're here together. They'd so love to see you. But only if you want Alex. We can do anything you want." Ryan told him holding his hands firmer to try to show Alex that he was there with him. 

"Oui, ok" Alex nodded. "Where are they?" 

"They're somewhere. I'm not sure. They're together now Alex. We're meeting for food. You can come?" Ryan suggested gently.

"They're together? As in together?" Alex asked smiling shyly. 

"Yeah. Finally got their heads out of their ass. They're a great couple actually." Ryan explained. 

"Good. Oh Max will be so happy. He always loved him. He always said we'd have a double wedding. Him and Kevin and me and..." Alex began before stopping suddenly with a hand over his mouth. 

"You and who Alex?" Ryan asked gently hoping against hope he meant him.

"Me and you." he mumbled. "I know you dont ..."

Ryan broke him off before he said anything out exclaiming "I want you Alex. Always. Alex come home with me."

"Really?" Alex asked looking hopeful and happy. "Really oui?"

"Really and forever. You're my team Alex. And I want you beside me. Forever. Please?" Ryan begged taking Alex's face gently in his hands. "Please?"

"Oui! Ryan. Of course!" Alex nodded and leant in to allow Ryan to kiss him gently and trying to show everything he felt for Alex in his kisses. 

\-----

Later that day Ryan was holding Alex's hand as they walked into the cafe where they were to meet Max and Kevin. They had spent the previous few hours wrapped in each other's arms and gently making plans for Alex to return with Ryan and Alex finally believed that Ryan loved him and would do anything to make him happy. When they saw Kevin and Max the pair were so wrapped up in each other that they missed Ryan and Alex approach. 

"Salut Kevin, Max." Alex giggled and wow had Ryan missed that laugh. The look on the pair's face was as priceless as Ryan was sure his had looked earlier. 

"Alex holy fuck!" Kevin exclaimed. "What are you doing here? Ryan? What?"

"I found him. I went to buy presents for my parents and he was right there." Ryan beamed. "And he's coming home with us."

"Alex its so amazing to see you." Max smiled before he looked at Ryan and Alex again and blurted out "You guys are holding hands?"

"We're together!" Ryan beamed and turned to Alex. "I found him and we're together. And he's going nowhere again."

"Well thank fuck for that!" Kevin laughed. "Alex I swear if I have to wipe another of this jerk's tears over you. Well i'm so glad you're home. Where we need you"

"Me aussi." Alex grinned and kissed Ryan on his nose like the goofball he was.   
\-----

Two years later and Max had been bought out of his contract and after the three of them pleading with management had a place back in Vancouver. A large part of that was down to Alex who was now working in management for the team and helping the younger guys settle in to the squad. He couldnt ever play hockey again but he had managed to get back to skating with the help of Ryan. Two and a half years later and they had drawn up contracts for their weddings where Alex was so incredibly happy with the plan of it being a double wedding. Three years later and they took their first holiday back in the village where Alex had spent his time. It was different now. Still the same amazing village but so different when they were there together. They had been through so much to get there. They had been broken and had fixed each other and Ryan felt so lucky that he had his ring on Alex's finger and Alex in his bed in their home every single night.


End file.
